“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” – Revelations 3:20 (NLT)
For several years, thoughts of my birthday approaching would make me extremely uncomfortable. Questions from friends about what I planned to do on the day would usually receive the standard ‘oh, I just want a quiet day’ or ‘nothing big’ answer. The day would come and go quietly with a few phone calls from family and close friends who remembered the date. I would go about the day with the ‘business as usual’ approach. Truth is, although I was very grateful to be alive, I felt that I had no reason to celebrate. In my mind, I had not made it to where I had planned and hoped to be at or had not acquired somethings I was quite sure I would have at that point. These thoughts in addition to things that just didn’t seem to be working right would keep me locked in the ‘low-key’ and ‘nothing- worth- celebrating’ state of mind and in truth I dreaded my birthday. I so dreaded it that, I would not even tell people about it till the actual day or after the day. The worst bit was answering questions about how old I was. ’28? Wow!!’ ’30? Oh wow!!’ ’31? Girl you’re not as young as I thought. Wow!’ usually followed and made me all the more nervous. ‘Another year and no ring’ was particularly one recurring question to myself, something I will get into in another post.
The worst bit was answering questions about how old I was. ’28? Wow!!’ ’30? Oh wow!!’ ’31? Girl you’re not as young as I thought. Wow!’ usually followed and made me all the more nervous.
I truly was happy to be alive and in good health but that would often take the back seat to the thoughts about the things that had not be attained yet. Not that I wasn’t working towards these, but the preset mindset of ‘by this age, you must have this’ and ‘by that age, you most definitely must be there’ would rob the day of it’s joy and leave me instead drained from all the negative emotions.
At the beginning of 2017 however, overwhelmed with all the many things that just didn’t seem to be working out and having come to the end of myself, I took a step forward, rededicated my life to Jesus and decided to declare my faith publicly by getting baptized on my birthday. I literally threw wide open the door, nervously at first, and let Jesus in. You can read more about my full immersion water baptism here -> Water Baptism: The bath that changed my life
While taking this stand did not shield me from experiencing lows or failure through the year, I learnt so much over the past year that has given me a renewed approach to life and has led to a fresh appreciation of the fourth of February.
I turn thirty- three in a few days, yay, and leading up to this day, I am glad to start this short three- part series on the things I have learnt about life and about myself since I let God in. Follow along with me, it promises to be interesting.
To be continued in Ep2.