Dear Future Me

A Time to … Reconnect (Part 1)

I don’t know about you but every time I have watched a movie involving some form of reunion, whether of childhood friends, schoolmates, or colleagues from one’s first workplace after college, there has always been a lot of drama and of course, lessons to learn. For the casual viewer, lessons are often easy. You watch from a distance and while sometimes feeling like you’d never, ever, make that mistake yourself, you concurrently, utter a word of thanks that it is not you because you would 100 percent not want to find yourself in such a messy situation.

The truth is that we usually just hope that things run along normally and perfectly without any incidence or negativity but having good foresight, understanding the demands of the situation, and preparing one’s heart and mind help a great deal to ensure success. This goes very well for school reunions as well.

School reunions serve many purposes. For many, it is a time to reflect, reconnect, and celebrate shared and individual experiences and victories. For others, it is a time to either open or close some doors that have been left in uncertainty for years and to find peace or hope for the next lap. Whatever the situation is, conversations and interactions can easily get tricky. What was fun and jovial 10 years ago, may very easily be a source of pain and what is said without thought or with unintended passion can unfortunately become a thorn or rub others wrong. While things can’t always be perfect, having some pointers in hand can help ensure that you are not the one unintentionally inflicting pain or causing unnecessary dissonance among your friends and colleagues.

Here are a few points to consider, if you are heading into a reunion with friends.

Definitely Do:

1. Be Kind: Kindness is not overrated. It also walks hand-in-hand with being respectful. You don’t even have to go out of your way or bend over backwards or have long conversations you aren’t interested in. Treat the next person as you would someone you care about and that already sets the stage for a a good time together.
2. Listen actively: You may not be ‘the bragging type’ 🙂 but people usually don’t want to look or feel small at reunions. Most are happy to go on and on about all the feats they have conquered or accomplished since everyone last met. While this is alright and may be motivating for many, it helps to also be first of all, a good listener. Even simple answers to questions like ‘how have you been?’ can say a lot and where reconnecting or growing new friendships come into consideration, actively listening, hearing what is said, and responding accordingly and thoughtfully can make a huge difference.
3. But I did accomplish great things!: Of course, speak about your accomplishments. For some, this will be the push factor they need to make some changes or take certain steps in their own lives and careers but overly embellishing and boasting can place you in a bad light and sometimes expose you to ridicule. Let’s celebrate all the great achievements maintaining some level of mindfulness in the mix.
4. That prickly subject: Over 20-plus years, friendships have grown at different paces, in some cases, they have been in total hibernation. Whether the need is to fill the silence or to genuinely try to dig deep, it is important to respect the boundaries set by others and to know that not everyone is ready to talk about every aspect of their lives or even that topic that you consider ‘normal’ or ‘simple’. This brings back the topic of being mindful and exercising the very special talent of reading the room. If a person seems to avoid a question or does not give much detail intentionally, take this as a cue to not pry further or give the space for the person to make the decision whether to say more or not.
5. So what SHOULD you talk about?: This does not attempt to set restrictions on what should and should not be discussed. It would be a shame to sit in silence, afraid of stepping on emotions and creating enemies. There is so much to be gained in connecting and reconnecting with former classmates, and to ease into conversations, and creating common grounds where people actually find their people for the next year, start light. Focus on shared memories for example. These include lighthearted, fun, silly, and meaningful school memories and current events that others are familiar with. Nostalgia is often a good icebreaker and can help make up for gaps in time and familiarity. Of course, further conversations will ensue eventually, but avoid making people feel left out when chatting in groups, excessive inside jokes, and settling into cliques.
6. Connect: After years of going on individual life journeys, a chance to regroup for just a few days can indeed present many interesting opportunities. Ladies have gained so much experience in several spheres of life and sometimes these experiences are exactly what another needs to make a big decision in their own life. Be it a new career path, a new business, healing old and new wounds, a lead to a new life partner, or opportunities for something existing, possibilities exist. Being present and kind, listening intently, and having good conversations opens doors that would otherwise remain closed or go unnoticed.

Whatever your reunion plans are, the deal is to have fun, relive, and laugh about memories while making new ones and creating lasting connections. Keep that front and center and that will help to see you through. Remember that so much has gone into planning and organizing and the days themselves will pass very quickly. Relax and enjoy every moment as best as you can while being mindful of others and staying safe.

Thank you for reading. The next episode will discuss what to absolutely NOT DO when reuniting with girlfriends for a school anniversary.